i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
