wanna go halves on a baby?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
