Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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