My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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