I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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