Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
