maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
