I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
