Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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