I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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