watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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