Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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