Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
