My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
