dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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