New low: just hacked my moms facebook
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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