You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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