yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
