They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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