Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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