vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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