It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
