Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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