Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
