THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
