george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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