Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
