Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
