I'm going to jail i love you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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