He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
