You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
