Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
