weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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