I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
