Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
