She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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