Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport