I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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