I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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