i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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