U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
