he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
