Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass