There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.