I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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