I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.