What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?