I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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