Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
