what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
