and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
