i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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