dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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