A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
