I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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