he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
