I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
