I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize