It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
