I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
