Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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