dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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