im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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