i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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