True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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