I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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