Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She bit a glass in half.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
