Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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