toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
