What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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