my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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