ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
