why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
