talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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