shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
