I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
