btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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