If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
