dude i'm inner monologue high
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
