I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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