Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
