It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
