so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
