Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
