So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
