if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need to calm my uterus...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
