And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
