Who wears a wallet chain?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
