I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
