she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
